Discouraged

Today has been a wonderful day. I got a call from my brother and his family saying the were in town and wanted to go out to lunch. It was so good to see them. Leon started eating rice cereal today which he loved. He was so funny because he was in the best mood during an after this new adventure. I couldn't get enough of it. Tonight was my night "off" so I did some shopping. I didn't find a whole heck of alot but it was nice to get out.

The day had been great until now.

I feel like pulling my hair out. I feel like crying. I feel like taking a really long hot shower (this is what I do when I'm upset or don't know how to cope). I came home to my poor husband trying to get our baby to go to sleep. He had been at it for an hour. Leon has been so stubborn about sleeping the last few nights. He has always had trouble falling asleep but the last few nights have been awful! It has taken a really long time to put him to sleep and then he'll wake up at 1:00/2:00 am (an hour after I just fed him) and it takes forever to get him to go back to sleep. And it is so hard to be patient because I'm so utterly tired by that point.

I'm so completely tired of trying. Anybody who knows me, knows that I'm not a patient person. I'm so tired of being tired. My body feels so frail, so weak. I told myself that I wasn't going to throw myself any more pity parties and here I am. I feel like I've tried everything and nothing is getting any better. Why didn't anybody tell me how to do this...at least give me some clue???? I guess with your first baby it is just this way...a guessing game until you have your next baby and can start it all out the right way.

I love Leon so much.

I know this has to be for my own good but I just need things to start going a little better. Just a little better.